The Life and Times of Star Ocean 3
by Kikeri Ki
Summary: The retelling's, oneshots, and other humorous parodies of Star Ocean 3. Packed full of insanity and head scratching confusedness. Chapter 12: Daycare Memories 3! Things just keep getting weirder at Kirlsa Daycare...
1. The Great Battle

**Star Ocean 3: The Untold Story**

Chapter One: The Great Battle

**(A/N: Well I'm bored…again…we have a three day weekend (YAY!)…and it has been 20 below outside…(Good old Minnesota…) So…I made another story…Basically it's parts of Star Ocean Till the End of Time that could use a little…tweaking…(actually probably not…but it's fun to mess with their minds anyway! ) I'm not sure if this will be multi chaptered or not…but it probably will be…if I get inspiration…I hope you like the twisted remake of Star Ocean…**

_**Disclaimer: heh if I owned Star Ocean there would be a TV show that would be based on a lot of fan fiction on this site…wait for that day!**_

"Everyone clear on the plan?" Clair asked at the war council. She got a full round of nods, "Ok I probably don't have to remind you but…this is the biggest battle we have ever faced. All three Brigades will be there so be on your best behavior!"

"Wait this is a war…shouldn't we tear them limb from limb?" Cliff asked

"ARE YOU INSANE? They're going to kill us all anyway so we might as well be courteous!" Clair exclaimed

"O.o"

"Anyway fight hard, and hold 'em off till the Thunder Arrow is completed. For the sake of Aquaria we must defeat the Black, Dragon, and Storm Brigade!" Clair rambled

"The Storm Brigade? You mean Geezer Woltar is actually going into BATTLE?" a random runeologist exclaimed

"A-yep"

"Oh no not Woltar!" Another random person moaned

"You're actually worried about an old geezer who can't tie his own shoes?" Nel asked in disbelief

"No I'm worried about that big cinder block that he throws at people that walk by his estate…it hurts!"

"Really he has a cinder block now? Wow he attacked me with a rake!" Nel exclaimed

"ENOUGH! Yes Crazy Old Man Woltar has gotten out of his recliner and will be joining the battle…beware of his craziness…" Clair trailed off

_Somewhere…_

"Huh? I AIN'T CRAZY!" Woltar woke up from a sound sleep and yelled at the top of his lungs. Vox sighed and grabbed a giant syringe.

"Night, Night, Woltar…" as the old man fell asleep with one poke of the needle, "…senile old fart…"

_Back…_

"Ok dismissed!" Almost everyone in the room ran out, "Nel I have a special assignment for you,"

"What is it Clair?" Nel asked suspiciously

"Well…uh…I want you to actually go into battle and take out the top gun,"

"You mean Vox?"

"Yep,"

"Are you mad? That's like a suicide mission!"

"Don't you want to save our country?"

"I thought you were my friend! Now you want me to go into a battle that I'll probably die in!"

"Drat she found out the plan…" Clair muttered, "Fine we'll send Cliff and Fayt too,"

"Whatever…" Fayt sighed

"And what will you be doing?" Cliff asked

"Uh…well…I'll be guarding headquarters! And hiding under my bed…see ya!" and Clair left the room

Nel sighed, "Might as well hit the sack, we have a long day tomorrow

_The Next Day…_

"The preparations have paid off…we are ready!" Dion exclaimed

"Great!" Fayt said with enthusiasm, "Skirt wearing sissy boy…" he muttered as Dion left

"Well let's go take out Vox!" and the trio forged ahead into battle

"This is like out of a demented fantasy novel…" Fayt noted as they passed soldiers fighting soldiers, and soldiers fighting…dragons

"Yeah…and when did Aire hills get so…foggy…and long…and different…?" Cliff replied

"Are you two done observing the scenery or am I going to have to beat this idiot by myself?" Nel asked annoyed. They had found Vox and the two boys were still immersed in the battle around them

"You might as well…you're the only one with any fighting ability whatsoever," Cliff murmured

"Wow…Big tough Cliffy the Klausian can't even win against the dragon master…" Fayt laughed

"Idiot you can't either!" Cliff retorted and a second war was about to get under way when suddenly…

"Uh…guys…there is a giant thing in the sky that just fired some light thing…" Nel stared wide eyed at the approaching spacecraft

"Oh crap that's the Veendini!" Cliff yelled

"Veendini…?" and suddenly Vox was gone…victim of the giant space craft

"Well my respect for that thing just grew…" Nel muttered

"Um…might I suggest…oh I don't know…RUN?" Fayt screamed

"Can you guys tell me what the hell that thing is?" Nel panted as they hid behind a runeological weapon

"Kinda complicated…and at the moment that's the LEAST of our goddamn worries!" Cliff muttered

"Why is it here?" Fayt wondered

"Uh…funny story…" Cliff said

"Wait…thing isn't after…me?"

"Well…damn you weren't supposed to find out…" Cliff smacked his forehead

"Oh lord…" Nel muttered watching the two with interest

"So that's why they attacked Hyda? And the Helre and now this planet! But why?" Fayt said angstly

"Look it's a long story and I can't explain it" Cliff tried calming him down

"SO IT'S MY GODDAMN FAULT MY DAD IS CATPTURED!"

"Fayt calm down!"

"NOW INNOCENT PEOPLE ARE GOING TO DIE!"

"Hey on the bright side, not all of them are innocent!" Nel tried

"WHO THE HELL AM I!"

"Oh god he's going to blow…" Cliff ran as the funny light of symbology appeared on Fayt's face

"Hey…" Cliff dragged Nel out of the way as Fayt rose into the sky

"Oh god…" Cliff muttered

"Does he do that a lot?" Nel asked

"No…this is creepy…"

"Remind me NEVER get him mad…"

"Fair enough" Suddenly the spaceship that was…wasn't and Fayt fell to the ground unconscious

"Well that's great…" Nel stared in disbelief

"Hey I'm ok!" Dion smiled idiotically walking around the deserted battlefield

"Great to know," Cliff muttered sarcastically

"Now I can return to Ameena…my one true love…" and Dion ungracefully and undignified fell into a giant hole left by one of the laser things

"Uh-oh…what do we tell people?" Nel asked as they pulled the dying Dion out of the 50 foot crater.

"Um…that he got hit by the laser?"

"Sure that works!"

"Well let's get both of them back to the castle," Cliff said kicking Fayt in the head with no response

"Do you realize that this going to be a hell of a long walk back to Aquios with these two morons?" Nel asked

"Darn…"

"Well I suppose we could always use the secret passage," Nel pulled a concealed lever and opened a secret door

"Ok then lets go!" and the two walked to Aquios carrying two unconscious boys…one in a girly skirt and the other who had just angsted his way out of the picture…

**(A/N: Well this was funnier when I had it imagined in my mind…but I still like it…if you have any ideas of what scene I can rewrite then please let me know!"**


	2. Meet the Assassin!

Chapter 2: Meet the Assassins!

**(A/N: heh…I don't know why but I feel very random and hyper today (side effect probably from passing my driving test, and way too much sugar…) anyway I hope you like this and please review!)**

_**Disclaimer: …Nope!**_

"…so the king of Airyglyph wants to meet me at the ruins of Mosel?" the queen asked

"Apparently," Nel replied

"Impossible! The queen hasn't left the castle in…well…forever!" Lasselle exclaimed

"Silence you imbecile!" the queen roared

"…" Lasselle started whimpering like a baby

"…Wimp," Cliff shook his head

"Did he say anything about bodyguards?" the queen asked

"Uh…no?'

"Well if he did then too bad because you guys are coming with me!"

"…Crap…" Fayt muttered

"Yes your majesty," Nel bowed and gave Fayt a dirty look

"Now…to prepare for our journey I'll need a couple packs of Mountain Dew, a bag of M&M's and chocolate…lots of chocolate…" she sent some minions off to fetch the stuff

As Fayt and the group walked out of the Audience Chamber, he had a weird look on his face, "Why does it seem like she is going to go on a sugar rampage?"

_A Few Hours Later_

"HA! SUGAR!" Romeria squealed as they walked through the streets of Peterney

"God Fayt you cursed us!" Cliff groaned

"We have to be careful, many people are ticked off that our countries are not at war anymore," Nel warned them as they crossed over onto the Sanmite Steppes

"Who would be mad about that?" Fayt asked

"Oh a bunch of morons who think they're better than everyone else," Nel rolled her eyes

"I'll make you eat those words!" a voice cried out. Suddenly three dragons with stupid looking riders landed by the bridge

"HI YA!" the queen grinned

"Uh…they're probably not here to say hi your majesty," Cliff grimaced

"That's right! Our people don't need your help!" the leader of the group yelled

"So…who are you?" Fayt questioned

"My name is Schweimer; Third-in-command of the Dragon Brigade!" the guy whom we now know as Schweimer proclaimed

"Uh…dude? Being third in command is not something to be proud of" Cliff informed him

"…Grrr…" Schweimer growled

"So why are you here again?" Nel asked

"We don't want our government to go in the toilet so we're going to take out your queen!" a random Dragon Brigade soldier exclaimed

"DAMN IT BOB! Now they know the whole freakin' plan!" the other soldier groaned

"Wait…are you sure you're not just upset that we took out your leader Vox?" Fayt wondered

"…whatever…prepare to face my wrath!" Schweimer said boldly

"Ok…we've taken out your second-in-command Demetrio, totally wiped the floor with Albel Nox, and came within an inch of killing Vox. Now YOU want to take us on?" Cliff challenged the sissy dragon rider

"Jeez…the only army we haven't touched is the Storm Brigade with their stupid Lums…" Nel trailed off

"We're going to make you pay for what you've done!" Schweimer exclaimed, "Come on guys!" but the other two had already chickened out and were halfway to Kirlsa, "God damn you all…"

"Stand back your majesty we have some unfinished business with a wannabe assassin," Fayt warned her

"Whatever!" she giggled

_5 minutes later…_

"That was almost too easy," Cliff said as they entered Suferio

"Eh…didn't bug me until the little baby started crying," Fayt replied

"You know I don't get it…why is Albel the one stuck in the skirt…I mean this guy was way wimpier!" Nel wondered

"Yeah…did it seem like he was wearing perfume?"

"O.o"

"I know!"

"Scary…"

"Well let's get the queen to Mosel!" Cliff exclaimed

"Uh…where is Mosel?" Fayt asked Nel

"I dunno…" Nel said sheepishly

"NEL!"

"Well it's gotta be around her SOMEWHERE!" and the trio began looking for the dunes…still with them was the sugar high queen, babbling like a moron

**(A/N: I've actually got an idea for the next chapter! So please review!)**


	3. Daycare Memories: Part One

_The Life and Times of Star Ocean 3_

Chapter 3: Daycare Memories

**(A/N: Um…I changed the title because I learned that there is another story out there with the same title…yes I did rip off the title from The Life and Times of Juniper Lee…but I don't really like that show anyway…so…uh…I decided that this story is just a place where I can put down random one-shots and the retellings of Star Ocean: Till the End of Time. This happens to be kinda an AU story…but sorta not…oh well please review!)**

**_Disclaimer: The day Albel stops using words like Worm and Maggot will be the day I own Star Ocean…so it ain't gonna happen_**

"Daddy why do I have to go?" a little red headed girl whined as her dad walked her over to the small brick school house in Kirlsa.

"Because we want you to be smart and your mom thinks that you can use some training in manners," the man answered

"Sheesh…push one little kid down in the dirt and now I'm a bad kid," she muttered

"Now Nel your mother wants you to be good and not get in any fights while you're at school understood?" Nevelle said sternly

"Yeah just one question," Nel replied

"What?"

"…You want me to not fight right?"

"Yes,"

"Why the hell did you teach me to use daggers if you aren't going to let me fight?"

"…that's another thing don't swear it's not nice" and with that Nevelle left Nel standing in the courtyard of the school

"……" Nel sighed and sat down on a swing to wait the ringing of the school bell

_Meanwhile…_

"Now Fayt you're a big boy now…" Ryoko started

"I went on the potty!" Fayt squealed in his 4 year old voice

"…Yes I know son, but as I was saying you must watch out for Sophia now. I'm sure you'll have no problem with that seeing how you are friends," Ryoko pointed to the small brown haired girl who looked on dreamily

"I'll make sure all the kids are nice to Sophia I promise!" with that Fayt grinned and dragged the reluctant Sophia (who still hadn't said a word) over to the school.

"Why do I have a feeling that those two are going to be warped?" Ryoko murmured as she walked away.

_Meanwhile…Again!_

I don't wanna go I don't wanna go!" a blond boy was being dragged down the street, screaming his head off.

"SHUT UP CLIFF!" his worn down father yelled

"Hee, Hee…Cliffy got yelled at!" a young blonde girl (Mirage) giggled. She had been his neighbor for as long as she could remember

"Don't you want to set an example for your friend?" Cliff's father gestured to Mirage

"I DON'T WANNA GO!" Cliff squalled

His father sighed and swiftly threw him over the fence surrounding the school. A loud thud was heard as Cliff landed hard on his head.

"You could've just used the gate Mister Fittr," Mirage said innocently

Mr. Fittr turned swiftly around and realized for the first time that Mirage had watched the whole thing.

"Uh…Mirage please take care of Cliff," and he took off for home. Mirage shook her head sadly as she entered the school yard

_Meanwhile…again…again!_

"Maria put down that gun this instant!" Jessie said exasperatedly

"But mommy it's only a Replica Gun!" Maria said.

"I don't care you'll hurt someone!"

"How? Am I going to hit them over the head?" Maria said sarcastically

"Your father and I just want you to make friends and BEHAVE yourself."

"Fine…" Maria sighed

"…I've heard numerous comments about this school…it's very prestigious…only 7 kids are accepted per semester," Maria's mother kept rambling on

"Mom,"

"What dear?"

"It's a daycare…not a school…it's not going to get me into Harvard someday…it's just a daycare,"

"What's Harvard?"

"Forget it," And Maria walked into the school yard

_And Finally…_

"La la la!" a young boy in a purple sarong and crop top…his blond black hair jagged and uneven after, what his father called, and 'unfortunate' scissors accident (but was really the result of his father getting sick of the boy going on about his 'prettyful' hair) but had two long braids down his back tied in a white ribbon, anyway this young boy was skipping down the sidewalk merrily humming

"Albel stop it now!" Glou exclaimed

"Daddy why can't I wear pink ribbons?" the girly boy asked

"…Because you're a boy and its bad enough that your sarong is purple,"

"Daddy some person said that I was wearing a skirt…is this a skirt?"

"No,"

"Oh…so that means I'm not a girl right?"

"Yes,"

"…then why can't I wear pink ribbons?"

"…" Glou sighed and put his face in his hands wearily

"Why?"

"Because I said so," With that young Albel Nox was thrown into the playground area. He looked around gleefully

"Hmm…" Albel looked around and saw Nel Zelpher sitting on the swings. Since he knew her from a previous encounter **(A/N: uh…ok if you've read 'Ask Alnel' you'll know the encounter…)** He decided to go sit on the swing next to her.

"Oh no…" Nel muttered as she saw the girl-guy come sit next to her.

"Hi Ya Nel!" Albel squealed

Rather then breaking her vow to her parents about fighting she chose to remain silent

"What'cha doing?"

"…"

"Oh…that's nice!"

"I didn't even answer!"

"Oh…right"

"Moron" Nel muttered

"you still haven't answered my question from last time we met,"

"Oh Apris," she muttered again

"Do you like ponies?"

"UAH!" Nel jumped off her swing and ran around behind Albel.

"Oh goody she's going to give me a push!" Albel said gleefully. Nel didn't say anything but instead took a running start at the swing and knocked Albel, off his swing. He went flying 10 feet before landing headfirst in the sandbox, right next to Fayt and Sophia.

"Uh…ooookk…" Sophia said quietly

"Hi I'm Fayt!" Fayt introduced himself as Nel walked over to admire her handiwork

"My name is Nel, Nice to meet you," Nel replied

"I'm Sophia," Sophia said

"I'm Albel…" Albel muttered from his position under the sand

"RIIINNGG!" The bell rung and the daycare day was underway

"Ok I'm your daycare provider Mr. Lasbard, but you can call me Adray," Adray boomed clapping his hands together loudly.

"AH!" The class shrieked

"And I'm his daughter Clair…and I'm here because my dad really doesn't have a clue how to take care of kids," Clair explained her situation

"Now to start off we're going to introducing ourselves!" Adray exclaimed

"Hi! I'm Fayt and I'm a big boy now!"

"The name is Nel"

"Don't you want to tell us something about yourself?" Adray asked

"No,"

"Come on one thing!"

"Ok…Albel is a cross dresser,"

"Yep!" Albel grinned

"Do you even know what that is?" Nel asked warily

"Nope! But I like you so I'll agree!"

"Uh…ookkkk…" Adray gave the two a weird look

"My name is Albel and I like pink!"

"…O.o…"

"My name is Sophia…and I'm quiet"

"Maria Traydor at your service, I like lasers,"

"…What are those?" Everyone asked

"Never mind," Maria sighed

"I'm Mirage Koas, I like Karate."

"How about you son?" Adray asked the still crying Cliff

"WHAAAAAAAA!"

"……crap….and they say that the youth of today is the future," Adray muttered looking around at the mismatched bunch around him.

**(A/N: More to come! Please review!)**


	4. The Chatroom

_**The Chatroom**_

**(A/N: ok…well here's another little stupid story in 'The Life and Times of Star Ocean 3' hope you like it!)**

_**Disclaimer: …If I owned them…would I be here right now?**_

_BlueStar has signed on_

BlueStar: Hello? Is anyone there?

_QuarkLeaderM has signed on_

QuarkLeaderM: Apparently not Fayt –_rolls eyes-_

BlueStar: Is that you Maria?

QuarkLeaderM: Duh who else is Quark's leader?

BlueStar: Right….

_MirageK has signed in_

BlueStar: Hey Mirage!

QuarkLeaderM: Very…creative name….

MirageK: Ha Ha! Morons…This is Cliff!

BlueStar: Why is MirageK your screen name?

MirageK: Idk…Just bored…so I wanted to mess with your minds

_ZBladeRed has signed in_

ZBladeRed: Cliff…why are you using Mirage's name as a screen name?

MirageK: O.o…How do you know about that?

ZBladeRed: Because Mirage is helping me with this internet thing

_SpacePilot has signed in_

SpacePilot: Hello Cliff. Having fun with my name?

MirageK: AHHH! O.o

_MirageK has signed out_

SpacePilot: ….I didn't mean to freak him out…..

BlueStar: Well that's Cliff for ya

QuarkLeaderM: Don't worry about it Mirage. Chances are we'll find him under the bed hiding again….

ZBladeRed: Hey what do-

ZBladeRed: -es

ZBladeRed: this button-

ZBladeRed: -Do?

QuarkLeaderM: Chances are that's the enter key Nel

ZBladeRed: Right….

_BBWarriorWicked has signed in_

ZBladeRed: Whoa…who taught Albel to use chat?

BlueStar: Idk…weird

BBWarriorWicked: Bah…Maggots…don't talk like I'm not here!

_**---Private Message---**_

**To: ZBladeRed, QuarkLeaderM, SpacePilot**

**From: BlueStar**

**Subject: Get Rid of BBWarriorWicked**

**Hey Everyone! Why don't we all use chatspeak and see how long we can annoy Albel for!**

_**---Private Message---**_

**To: BlueStar, ZBladeRed, SpacePilot**

**From: QuarkLeaderM**

**Subject: That's Mean…**

**Fayt! That's so awful! Let's do it! _–Evil grin-_**

BBWarriorWicked: Jeez, you maggots were gone a long time

QuarkLeaderM: lyk nu-uh!

BlueStar: Ur lyk soooo krazy weird!

BBWarriorWicked: Uh…

SpacePilot: ya tats rite! B tat way!

ZBladeRed: if u don't lyk it then u should lyk leave lyk sooooon

BBWarriorWicked: …I don't think so…Its fun watching u maggots degrade urselves lyk this…

BlueStar: O crap…he knos chtSpk

BBWarriorWicked: ya t/t rite! U ppl r sooooooo lyk freaks!

BlueStar: O.o

QuarkLeaderM: O.o

ZBladeRed: O.o

SpacePilot: O.o

BBWarriorWicked: hahahaha! Worms... _–evil laugh-_

-Meanwhile-

"Ok Albel, just do what I tell you and you'll be rolling on the floor laughing," Cliff exclaimed

"Don't you mean ROFL?" Albel asked

"…Whatever…"


	5. Daycare Memories: Part Two

**Daycare Memories Part 2**

**(A/N: well another addition of Daycare Memories is here! Huzzah! Lol hope you like it and please review… Cuz….I'm gonna die this summer without human interaction other than my family…)**

_**Disclaimer: ………………why would they call it a disclaimer if I owned it?**_

"Ok I raise you 5 dollars," Nel said glancing at her hand of cards

"Go fish!" Albel sang

"…you do realize we AREN'T playing Go Fish right?"

"…What?"

"Never mind," Nel sighed. It was 11 o'clock and on Adray's schedule that meant Nap Time….so he was fast asleep while the kids of his daycare were wide awake…go figure…

"You guys do know that you are supposed to be sleeping right?" Clair asked, entering the room, seeing her father passed out while calm chaos raged around him.

"Come on Clair we aren't babies! We don't need naps!" Nel protested

"…ok…well you shouldn't be playing poker either I suppose," Clair rolled her eyes. Meanwhile Cliff was sitting in a corner, crying his eyes out.

"Cliff, after 4 hours, don't you think it's about time to STOP crying?" Mirage asked

"WHAAAAAA" Cliff sobbed

"……Cripes……"

"Need some help getting him out of there?" Maria walked over and watched the scene

"If you would please," Mirage answered

"Oh Cliff, there's some cookies in the kitchen…if you stop bawling you might get some!" Maria lied

"YAY! COOKIES!" Cliff immediately stopped crying and grinned

"…Why didn't I think of that?" Mirage wondered

"COOKIE COOKIE COOKIE!" Cliff now ran around the room yelling

"Does he do that a lot?" Maria asked

"Yeah…I think he has ADD…and ADHD…and ABCDEFG as well…" Mirage answered giggling,

"Hey where are the cookies?" Cliff had stopped his circling and looked at the two with wounded eyes

"…Dang he expects a cookie now…" Mirage smacked her forehead

"Crap…" Maria sighed

"Cookie?" Cliff whimpered

"…I suppose we go make some…." And Maria started off towards the kitchen

"WAIT!" Mirage yelled

"What?"

"Do you know how to make cookies?"

"Uh….nope,"

"…ok…well I'll help!"

"They can't be THAT hard to make!" and the two girls headed off into the kitchen, Cliff trailing behind them

On the other side of the room, Sophia was finally getting sick of Fayt's constant hovering

"I'm gonna make sure no one hurts you!" Fayt exclaimed

"……" Sophia sighed

"Come on let's go play with the blocks!"

"I kinda just want to go play with the other kids now Fayt," Sophia said

"Naw let's go play with the blocks!" Fayt started to drag her over to where the blocks were

"Back off or I'll bite you," Sophia warned

"…What? Oh I know! You need a hug!" and Fayt gave her a big bear hug…for him it was a happy moment until….

"OW! OW! OW!" he yelled as Sophia bit his arm…annoyed that he was so clingy

"…I told you,"

"OW!" Fayt yelled again as Sophia walked over to see what game Nel and Albel were playing

"What are you guys doing?" Sophia asked when she saw Albel and Nel playing cards

"Playing Old Maid!" Albel exclaimed giddily

Nel gave him a 'what do you know' look and replied, "We're playing Texas Hold 'em"

"Ooo can I play?" Sophia asked

"You know how?" Nel said surprised

"Yeah, my brother Roger taught me how,"

"Sure, deal her in Dealer Boy," Nel told Albel

"Yay! One more for Crazy 8's!" Albel giggled

"Ok, so you add eggs, butter, sugar, and…." Maria said throwing in the ingredients

"Flour! That's the one thing I know," Mirage said picking up a can from the counter, and sprinkling the BLACK powder into the mix

"So then we stir in all the ingredients and ta-da! We have cookies!"

"Not quite…I think we gotta bake 'em,"

"Right…well we can just make one big cookie that won't kill him will it?"

"Naw," So the two girls took out a baking sheet and loaded the blackish cookie mixture onto it, and stuck it into the stove,

"Now we wait!" Mirage said happily as the mixture in the oven started bubbling

Meanwhile Cliff had forgotten all about the cookies and was wandering around aimlessly…then he spotted Fayt sitting by the blocks, none worse for the wear of Sophia biting him…in fact he seemed to have forgotten about it…

"Hi ya! I'm Cliff!" Cliff introduced himself

"Oh yeah…the kid who wouldn't stop crying…" Fayt remembered

"That's me!"

"I'm Fayt! Wanna play with me?"

"Sure! And the two boys sat down to play with the blocks

Back at the poker game….Sophia was kicking everyone's butts…not that kicking Albel's butt was too hard…

"ALBEL! We aren't playing Rummy!" Nel exclaimed exasperatedly

"Uno then?" Albel said innocently. Nel and Sophia both sweat dropped

"Should that stuff be bubbling up like that?" Mirage asked. Maria shrugged

"I dunno…never made cookies before…" Suddenly the stove started shaking

"That can't be good…" Maria said wide-eyed

"Crud…RUN!" Mirage yelled as the stove started rocking around and banging

**And with that it exploded…sending cookie batter, stove parts, and smoke hurdling into the next room**

"AHHH!" the entire room yelled as it went completely dark from the explosion. Groaning everyone got up as the blast seemed to be over

"…Well that couldn't have been right…" Maria muttered.

"Ow…." Mirage said groggily, sitting up…suddenly the 'flour' can came rolling into the room next to her. She read the label and groaned.

"What?" Maria asked, and also read the label, "Mr. Vox's High Power Gun Powder"

"…What kind of moron puts Gun Powder in a KITCHEN?" Mirage yelled

"What's going on here?" Adray finally awoke from his nap and saw the damage around him, "Oh…well everything seems ok here…carry on!" and with that he stumbled into the next room for some sleep.

The kids glanced at each other and shrugged…then resumed their playing…soot and dirt everywhere…

**(A/N: Hope you liked it! I would have to wonder what moron would put gun powder in a kitchen…lol please review!)**


	6. The Conference and Meeting Albel

Chapter 6: The Confrence and Meeting Albel 

**(A/N: Yep another messed up tale of Star Ocean 3...This time following the gang to the Mosel Dunes conference with King Arzei. As you might remember from the last retelling...Romeria was in a sugar induced state of hyperness, the gang had defeated the pathetic Schweimer, and they were totally lost. Well they've finally made it to Mosel Dunes and have started talking to the king...and i just don't feel like writing the whole story...XD Well i hope you'll review...i didn't get any last chapter and i was kinda sad...oh well!)**

_**Disclaimer: Nope! XD**_

"You're kinda late," Arzei said as the group walked into the conference room.

"Well we were side tracked by you're stupid soldier Schweimer, had to cross a stupid desert, and these stupid runes are coated with monster...which doesn't make solving the stupid riddles any easier!" Fayt shot off all his frustration

"Dude, I didn't mean anything by it man...I just was stating like...a fact or something..." Arzei said in obvious confusion

"Dude? What the heck?" Nel was now confused

"Like no, you're a dude-ett, that blue haired dude is a dude,"

"Just let it go Nel," Cliff said

"HI YA!" The queen squealed

"...You were a bit late on the uptake...we've been here for about 5 minutes already," Fayt rolled his eyes

"What?" the group sighed

"So...like what's going on anyway? That's why we're all here right?" Arzei asked

"I suppose we have to tell you...since the queen is still out of the box," So Fayt, Nel and Cliff explained the situation

"...So...There's people from another world...they'll probably kill us all...and you guys need a dragon to carry a large untested weapon?" the king rambled off the main points

"Pretty much," Nel shrugged

"Well that's...weird,"

"Yep," Cliff agreed

"AHHHH!" Suddenly the ceiling above them cracked and in fell a blue-haired girl with a laser gun. She stood up, brushing off dust.

"Hey Maria," Cliff greeted her

"Hey yourself," she sneezed...inhaling sand would do that

"Um...I hate to break this to you...but you're a few cut-scenes late,"

"Yeah I know...I was hiding from Lieber and Marietta got lost,"

"...What about Mirage,"

"She got side tracked by that old school Mario game she downloaded...of course when she realized we were about a few light-years away from the destination then she turned on the tracking device she put on you,"

"Oh yeah...explains why i felt a buzzing..."

"Anyway...so what's going on?" The group sighed and retold the story

"And he know's about the powers and junk?" Maria pointed at Fayt

"Yep,"

"How?"

"Well just because you were late doesn't mean that the dictionary was...you just had to look up the right junk and it was all there."

"...Right..."

"About that dragon thing...the only thing we have big enough would be Crosell..." Arzei broke into the conversation

"CROSELL are you MAD?" Nel freaked

"Mad...I ain't mad!" And yes sitting in the far end chair was the old man Woltar...who had just been awakened

"Not you! Him!" Nel pointed at Arzei

"Well I'm like sooorrryy but he's the only one who'd be able to lift that runelogical weapon thing of yours,"

"Fine," Nel sighed

"Oh and you'll have to take Albel,"

"WHAT?"

"Albel...isn't that that purple skirted warrior guy that we kicked the pants..." Fayt began,

"Skirt," Cliff reminded him

"...Skirt, off of?"

"With the braids?" Cliff added

"That'd be him,"

"Why him?" Nel asked

"Well first off, all you's are Aquarian...or not of this planet, so we need some Airyglyphian blood in there," Arzei rose from his chair, preparing to leave, donning sunglasses as he did so

"Wait...you said first off...that means there has to be a second reason..." Fayt said confused

"Well...I'd like not to get into details...so let's just say that that poor little dude needs some fresh air. Later dudes and dudettes!" And Arzei ran off to the left, kicked open a trap door, grabbed his surfboard, and slid down the steps,

"Um...I hate to ask...where in the heck is he going?" Fayt asked

"Oh...to practice being hip and being a surfer...also he likes to visit the turtle things," Woltar explained, "So are you ready to meet Albel?" the group shrugged and followed the ancient man...stopping briefly at Peterny to drop off Romeria...who was starting to have a hangover (yes from sugar), to Clair.

"This is where Albel is," Woltar said, pulling out a key to a dungeon door

"Wait...why is he in the dungeon?" Cliff asked

"Oh that moron Vox put him in there on some bogus charges...and the time in there has not been good to him..." Woltar replied airily

"In what way?" Maria asked but soon found out when Woltar opened the door. Chained up was Albel the Wicked...but he was wearing...

"Pink ribbons..." Nel trailed off watching the tormented man and then turning to Woltar, "You don't mean to say...

"Yep he reverted back to his pony, prancing, skipping, girly, childhood ways," Woltar shook his head sadly

"OOOO! New people! Hi ya Uncle Woltar!" Albel had an innocent gleam in his eyes, and a childlish grin on his face

"Albel, you're supposed to go with these nice people," Woltar said in a slow voice

"Why?"

"Because that's what the king wants,"

"Why?"

"Because he wants you to go,"

"Why?"

"BECAUSE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE GREATEST SWORDSMAN IN AIRYGLYPH!" Woltar finally snapped

"That's what my daddy wants me to be!" Albel grinned again

"...Your dad has been dead for years Albel"

The grin slid off of Albel's face and he started sobbing, "DADDY!" he wailed

"..." the others had been watching the whole show and now realized why he had been kept in confinement

"You want us to take THAT with us on a dangerous and life threating mission!" Cliff pointed at the sobbing Albel

"No, the king does," Woltar corrected him

"Uh...how is he supposed to HELP us?" Fayt asked

"Um...not quite sure...just make sure you don't give him any weapons"

"Ok isn't there anyway to get him back to normal?" Nel wondered

"Well there might be..."

"HOW?"

"Well he and a woman that he desires have to bathe naked in the snow of the Traum Mountains,"

"... O.o ..." Everyone except Albel looked at Nel

"Oh no...You are not having me do that! Besides he doesn't even desire me you perverts," Nel backed away

"Please, have you not read the Fan Fictions out there? The favorite couple has to be NelxAlbel!" Maria exclaimed

"Right next to AlbelxFayt...hey does it matter if its a boy?" Cliff grinned, staring at Fayt who paled and backed away just as Nel did.

"...Well if you don't want to do that then you can always give him this," Woltar tossed them a giant pill and left the dungeon, "Good luck...you'll need it..." he muttered as he climbed out of sight

"Albel," Fayt cooed, "Why don't you eat this candy?" he held out the pill

"YUCKY! Me no like!" Albel started crying again

"Holy Apris this could be hard," Nel muttered

"Wait! I've got it!" Cliff whipped out an index card and wrote on it, "Albel read this!"

Albel stopped crying and stared at the card. After a few moments he burst out into hysterical laughter, "BOOGERS!" he fell over laughing uncontrollably. Cliff grabbed the pill and shoved it into Albel's open mouth. Albel gasped and choked for a few minutes before getting the thing down. Moments later...

"What are you maggots doing down here?" He sneered

"Back to normal!" Cliff grinned

"Bah..."

"Well let's go!" and the party of 5 trekked off in search of the great dragon Crosell

**(A/N: Yep retarded I know...oh well i laughed! XD! hope you like it and please review!)**


	7. Oh the Fun of Inventing

Chapter Seven: Oh the Fun of Inventing

**(A/N: Ok so I haven't updated ANYTHING for about a month and this story hasn't been updated for like two months…I'm very sorry but I have an excuse…I mean reason! it turns out that I actually DO have a social life…and school life…and we can't forget all that lovable homework and testing that comes with being a Junior…go figure.**

**But I did update now so be happy everyone! Even though no one really reviews me…I don't care writing is fun and if you don't like it you can just go suck a sock. XD)**

_**Disclaimer: If I owned Star Ocean then I wouldn't be allowed to go on hiatus for two months now would I?**_

It was another bright and sunny day on Elicoor and the gang had the day off for once. So what did they do? Why they decided to waste thousands of Fol inventing of course!

"Uh…Cliff? Is that charm supposed to be glowing?" Fayt asked, pointing at the disfigured battle charm that Cliff held in his hand

"Dunno," he shrugged

Suddenly a great explosion shook the flimsy building and the place was filled with smoke.

"What the hell did you do!" a very angry female coughed out…we know her as Nel

"I'm trying to cook something wretch!" Albel yelled back

"Damn it Albel you KNOW you're never supposed to cook!"

"Who says?"

"EVERYONE! YOU SUCK AT IT!"

"YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS!"

"SHUT UP BOTH OF YOU!" Sophia yelled exasperated

"Well this day has turned into a disaster," Maria rolled her eyes

"Nel is just jealous of my masterful cooking skills" Albel said haughtily

"Jealous? Of you? You've got to be kidding me!" Nel muttered

"Yes woman, you're just envious that I'm such a good cook,"

"Ok loser, YOU have a cooking level of…what is it? 23? My cooking level is over 40,"

"So?"

"Soooo I CAN FREAKING COOK BETTER THAN YOU! AND NOT MAKE THINGS EXPLODE!"

Albel muttered something under his breath and walked away to try his hand at something else

"Well that was weird," Mirage said

"Hey! I invented something!" Roger grinned holding up the strange fizzling object

"Oh My God…HE'S GOT DYNAMITE!" Fayt screamed

"Shit" and everyone ran out of the room, except Roger

"Those guys are just plain freaky," he thought to himself as the dynamite finally exploded…but he lived so it was alright.

You would have thought that after this experience they would've stopped their fruitless attempts at inventing…but alas it wasn't so…

"I feel pretty! Oh so pretty! I feel pretty and witty and GAY!" Cliff sang, waltzing around the next disaster site…I mean workshop…now wearing two earrings that were glowing green

"Well the maggot's got one thing right in that song…" Albel muttered

"That wasn't nice!" Fayt chided him

"We're not talking about nice worm…we're talking about truth…"

"Only your truth not everyone's," and Fayt turned his attention back to his experiment…which involved a cactus, red pepper, and a chinchilla

"Um…I'm really worried about that…" Sophia whispered to Maria, pointing at Fayt's mixture…which was growling and thrashing around

"Yeah…but what can we do about it?" she questioned. Right then the creature snarled and launched himself at Fayt who screamed like a girl and fell to the ground.

"Crap…it's a porcupine!" Mirage exclaimed

"Sooo….?" Nel stared at the small bristling angry animal…

"Dude have you not SEEN these things? They're EVIL! PURE EVIL!" Cliff yelled fearfully

"Yes these things are evil homicidal animals…" Albel agreed, "I've died a couple of times at their hands…"

"You mean paws," Maria corrected him

"Should we save him?" Sophia changed the subject, as she watched the blue haired boy get attacked by a ferocious 6 inch tall animal with quills

"Nah…but I think we should all agree to never mention this again," Nel nodded

"Agreed," They all said in an eerie unison and walked out the door…leaving poor Fayt to defend himself.

"YOU GUYS ALL SUCK!" He yelled in pain

"Welcome to my world Jerkwad," Roger glared at him as he limped past the workshop in bandages

**(A/N: I know its short but I think it's KINDA funny…but then again I'm easily amused…please review!)**


	8. The Difference between Men and Women

Chapter Eight: The Difference between Men and Women…

**(A/N: I know I know I SHOULD be working on Ask Alnel, seeing as how that's my most popular story…but I got really, really, REALLY bored in Advanced Composition so I wrote this…and if I get place names wrong, DON'T KILL ME! I haven't played the game in quite a while…I haven't played ANY games for quite awhile…too much school junk going on…so I hope you enjoy this chapter, and please review 'cause review keep me happy XD)**

_**Disclaimer: yea…uhhh…NO**_

"Well this is it," Nel said as the group stood in front of the Bequrel Mountains.

"So…does anyone actually know which way to go?" Fayt inquired

"Bah…Worms. I, Albel Nox, am an expert navigator!" Albel proclaimed and started up the mountain

"…rrriiiigggghhhttt…" the others shrugged and followed him.

_Hours Later…_

"Ok Albel, enough is enough, that is the tenth time we've passed that freakin' rock," Maria glowered as the group continued in seemingly endless circles.

"…" Albel's eye began twitching, "Well one of you maggots try your sense of direction. I want to see you fail miserably"

"Probably would do better than when you've been leading us…we came closer to finding where we were when Fayt 'accidentally' fell into that dragons nest an hour ago and got dropped two miles away," Nel poked Fayt in the shoulder. Fayt recoiled in pain

"Would you knock it off!" he yelled, then thought a moment, "how in the heck did you guys get here anyway?"

"We just hitched a ride on the back of the dragon," Cliff answered

"…You mean to say that you guys got to ride in comfort while I got stuck in that monster's claws?"

"Yep…"

"…DAMN IT!" Fayt screamed. He then realized that his already angsty life had just gotten worse…because a tiny dragon had just bit him on the foot and run off laughing as only dragons do.

"So any ideas on where to go next?" Maria asked, oblivious to Fayt's cries of pain

"Wwweeellll… we could try this," and Nel shoved Albel down a random cave that none of them had really noticed before.

"AHHH!" Albel screamed like a little girl and landed as a wet thud.

"Are you ok?" Fayt called into the cave. Nel looked at him, shrugged, and pushed the blue-haired boy headfirst down the cave as well.

"A…hahahaha!" Cliff pointed and laughed at the two victims, and was thrown in as well.

"O.o…oh there is NO way you're pushing me in there!" Maria exclaimed, backing away from the red-haired death machine.

Nel smiled, "I've got a rope," she said, pulling it out of the pack.

"…So how come you just threw them down there?"

"Oh no real reason…I just like to watch boys fall into painful convulsions"

"Ah yes I see," So both girls slid down the rope and stared at the boys who were in terrible pain

"Get up you babies, we've got company," Maria pointed into the darkness at some eyes that were glowing. Fearfully the group edged back against the wall as the eyes grew closer, eventually revealing a cute pink baby dragon.

"Aww!" Fayt grinned and cooed. His short burst of happiness ended when the dragon's eyes turned red, proceeded to bite him on the arm…hard.

"WHEN WILL THE PAIN END!" he howled

"Shut up Fayt we've got to get out of here," Cliff smacked him hard in the head and walked away. Maria looked at the blue-haired boy who was rolling around in pain, with a mixture of pity and exasperation.

"You're REALLY having an off day aren't you?"

"You have NO idea," he groaned and followed the rest of the posse out of the cave. Soon thereafter they found the Dragon's Windpipe…go them

"So we have to make this deli-ma-bobber into a flute?" Cliff asked

"A-yep," Nel affirmed

"…How?"

"Well for starters we could go to that workshop," she pointed at the old rundown shack that housed the workshop.

"Oh…" So carrying the bone, he walked over to the shop. Suddenly it flew out of his hands and magically turned into the Dragon's Flute.

"Well Lord Love a duck," Fayt scratched his head in confusion

"That was random," Albel agreed

"Where to next?" Cliff asked

"No idea," Fayt shrugged

"How about we ask that lady over there for directions?" Maria asked, pointing at the sad lonely figure that is Misty Lear

The boys looked at each other and then gave Maria a disgusted look, "How about NO," Cliff said offended

"But why?" Nel asked, amazed and confused

"BECAUSE, we don't need that maggots help," Albel answered

"But we have no idea where to go!" Maria exclaimed

"Real men don't need to ask for directions," Fayt said proudly

"Uh…Nel and I aren't guys,"

"…Well we're not asking for directions and that's final!"

"……Ok look, how about you guys go off in some random direction and Maria and I will do our own thing, sound fair?" Nel compromised. The guys agreed and took off, Maria looked at Nel.

"Um…do you think they'll find their way?" Maria asked

"Hopefully…but who cares…"

"Right," so the two girls walked over to the sad, teary woman.

_Four Hours Later…_

After sweating, being chased by demented porcupines, falling down numerous ravines, and a very strange encounter that involved that pink baby dragon biting Fayt whenever he played the flute, the boys finally made it down into the cave that housed the lava caves.

"We made it!" Fayt said gleefully as the door swung open revealing…

"I raise you five Fol," Nel said, throwing in the money

"And I say GO FISH!" Maria laughed evilly

"Curses…" Nel grumbled, and then brightened when she saw the guys standing there, mouths wide open, "Hey guys what took you so long?"

"A…ba…wha…how…?" Fayt stammered out randomly

"Do you plan to finish ANY of those sentences?" Maria asked patiently

"How did you worms make it here so fast?" Albel sneered in disbelief

"Well…" Maria started, "It's a long story…but it goes like this…"

_FLASHBACK! YAY! _

"_Hello," Maria said pleasantly to Misty Lear, who looked up at the two women with sorrowful eyes, "We're trying to find the lava caves…"_

"_When an apple falls from a tree, how far does it fall?" Misty asked seriously_

"_Pardon?"_

"_Let me try," Nel said, "Hi, we're looking for the LAVA CAVES,"_

"_Life isn't fair…it's just fairer than death is all,"_

"…_WHAT THE HELL?"_

"_Not all who wander this earth are lost…"_

"_You don't seem to understand…we want to find the frickin' lava caves!" Maria said angrily_

"_Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday…"_

"_Uh…sure…can you tell us where to go now?" _

"_I have seen the future and it is like the present…only longer…"_

"_WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!"_

"_Sometimes you're the bug…sometimes you're the windshield…"_

"…_that didn't sound very ponderful and thought worthy"_

"………"

"_Well you know what…My karma just ran over my dogma," Nel said getting frustrated_

"_Ah yes…"_

"_And…before you criticize someone you should walk a mile in their shoes…then when you criticize them you're a mile away and have their shoes," Maria countered_

"_You both passed the test," and Lear pulled a concealed lever opening a door to the cave that would eventually lead to the lava caves._

"…_uh…oooookkkk…that was weird," Nel said as she and Maria walked through the mountain doorway,_

"_Oh yeah…" _

_END OF FLASHBACK!_

"So she basically just told you proverbs and you had to answer back?" Fayt asked

"I guess…" Nel rolled her eyes

"That explains how you got into the main cave…but how did you get through the dragon head door without the flute?" Cliff asked

"…we knocked,"

"…oh…"

"You maggots are odd…extremely odd," Albel said

"Yeah well…right now, you're one of us," and Cliff let out a maniacal laugh. The rest of the group gave him a weird look, and they started on their journey into the caves.

**(A/N: thanks to the people who reviewed my last chapter…I appreciated it :-) I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'm not trying to offend anyone but the Star Ocean people…but they hate me anyway lol, please review!)**


	9. Interview with Star Ocean 3

The First Ever Interview with the Cast of Star Ocean 3

**(A/N: ARRGG!!! I'm doing it AGAIN! Working on something COMPLETELY random when I should be working on Ask Alnel! When will I ever finish?!!!**

**Well anyway now that my ranting is done…I hope you like this stupid pointless addition to 'The Life and Times of Star Ocean 3' **

**I'M SO STUPID!!! WHERE ARE MY PRIORITIES????**

**I feel better now :-) )**

_**Disclaimer: I'm such a procrastinator…you'd think I WOULD own a game making company…sadly I don't and my procrastination skills are SO being wasted **_

**Random reporter 1:** and here we are at the Middleofnowhere auditorium!

**Random reporter 2**: We have a very special report for you all! We have kidnapped….I mean convinced the members of Star Ocean: Till the End of Time to give us a much wanted interview!

**Random reporter 1**: Well what are we waiting for? Let's go!!!

_-Inside the auditorium-_

"So this is what the heroes of the world have come to…giving stupid interviews with the annoying paparazzi," Fayt groaned as the group took the stage and gazed out into the sea of flashing camera flash bulbs and notepads.

"Worms…" Albel growled as the reporters started waving their hands in the air, trying to get their 5 cents worth of a question

"…I suppose we have to start…you in the back," Cliff glanced into the crowd and pointed randomly. The voice in the back shrieked.

"OH MY GOD!!! ALBEL!!! I LOVE YOU!! MARRY ME YOU SEXY BEAST!!!!!!!" a very crazy, very hyper voice screamed. The fangirl then fell on the ground in convulsions and was carted away much to the relief of everyone.

"Holy Apris," Nel shook her head sadly

"You're telling me," Sophia scratched her head

"So…anyone have a legit question?" Cliff asked

"How about you? NOT in the back," Mirage asked a random person in the front

"Well I've got a question that we probably ALL are dying to know," the person started

"And that would be?" Nel asked

"Who's dating whom in your group? We're all waiting to know!" This statement met with silence and glares from nearly everyone in the auditorium…except the shell shocked Star Ocean crew

"What do you mean 'who's dating whom?????' It's perfectly clear!" A reporter said in scandalous tones

"It's SO obvious that Nel and Albel have something special!" another reporter called out. This too met with silence

"You've got to be kidding me! It's Albel and Sophia of course!" a random person called out

"WHAT? You're both crazy! Albel is gay and belongs with Fayt!"

"Hey now!" Fayt tried to defend himself but it was too late…a war of shipping was about to occur.

"Well if Albel is gay then he has to be with Cliff!"

"Albel is NOT gay! But Fayt and Cliff are together FOREVER!!!"

"I still go with Albel and Nel!"

"They're from rival countries! They can't be together!"

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard! OPPISITES ATTRACT!!!"

"THEN ALBEL AND SOPHIA SHOULD BE TOGETHER!!!"

"WHAT ABOUT MARIA!!! SHE BELONGS WITH ALBEL!"

"Oh crap…I was hoping they'd leave me out of this," Maria groaned

"ALBEL COULD NEVER BE WITH SOPHIA! SHE'S LIKE SEVEN YEARS YOUNGER!"

"I SAY CLIFF AND MIRAGE ALL THE WAY!!!"

"CLIFF AND NEL TOGETHER FOREVER!!!"

"WHAT ABOUT CLIFF AND SOPHIA?!"

"DUDE! THAT'S A WORSE AGE DIFFERENCE THAN SOPHIA AND ALBEL!"

"MARIA AND CLIFF!"

"CLIFF IS LIKE HER FATHER!"

"CLIFF IS ALSO LIKE MIRAGE'S BROTHER!"

"Do you think this might be getting a bit out of hand?" Sophia asked nervously

"No worries…if we're lucky they'll kill each other," Nel said eagerly

"NEL AND FAYT SHOULD BE TOGETHER! THEY GET ALONG SO WELL!"

"NEL IS A WAR MACHINE! FAYT IS PEACEFUL…THEY DO NOT GET ALONG WELL!"

"THEN WHY ARE THEY ON THE SAME TEAM?"

"BECAUSE!"

"YOU GUYS MUST BE KIDDING ME…NEL IS A LESBIAN…HER AND MARIA BOTH!"

"E-excuse me?" Maria and Nel both said in shocked disbelief.

"Now you know what it feels like," Fayt chuckled

"NEL, SOPHIA, AND MARIA ARE TOGETHER ITS SOOOO FREAKIN' OBVIOUS!"

"NEL AND CLAIR!"

"Oh for heaven's sake…CLAIR'S NOT EVEN HERE!" Nel yelled out exasperatedly

"They're not even going to ask us what WE think are they?" Cliff asked

"'fraid not…" Maria rolled her eyes

"FAYT AND MARIA WILL ALWAYS BE TOGETHER!"

"THEY LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME!"

"SO?"

"SO THAT'S LIKE A BROTHER SISTER THING!"

"FAYT AND SOPHIA! THEY'RE THE COUPLE OF THE CENTURY!"

"THEY'RE JUST GOOD FRIENDS! ALWAYS HAVE BEEN ALWAYS WILL BE!"

"HOW WOULD YOU KNOW YOU CRETIN?!"

"Let's get out of here while we still have dignity," Albel muttered and the group walked off the stage.

"…" Fayt took one last look at the mad chaos in the auditorium. People were now throwing things and it soon turned into a huge fistfight, "Dude, dignity left a LONG time ago."

**(A/N: I hope you liked it! And yes I know it's completely retarded….but there are so many pairings…I think I hit most of the main ones (and a few not so usual ones)**

**Oh and in case you care (you don't I know lol) my favorite parings would have to be AlbelxNel, CliffxMirage, FaytxNel, FaytxMaria…not that you really cared XD) **


	10. Entering the Lava Caves

Chapter Ten: Entering the Lava Caves

**(A/N: I feel better about updating now that Ask Alnel is updated…so enjoy:-))**

After much hassle, splitting up, and stepping on goofy, symbolized tiles, the group met back in the center of the weird temple

"And we just throw Fayt in the center of this cross, holding the skull and something freaky should happen," Maria said logically

"How do you know that maggot?" Albel glared at her (who doesn't he glare at?)

"…Because that's what's happened every other time when we're faced with a stupid puzzle if you haven't noticed," Maria snapped

"True…"

"So go stand in the center then, Fayt," Cliff ordered. Fayt obliged and within seconds…well maybe more...those cut scenes do last an awful long time, a door opened. They stepped through the red-orange abyss and came face to face with…

"Ha ha ha, it's not often I have visitors!" A little kid whizzed around the room laughing somewhat evilly

"…is it just me, or are the bosses getting smaller?" Nel raised her eyebrow

"Why you…that's not nice!" the little kid started crying

"Oh brother…" Maria rolled her eyes

"Hey…whose the kid? And why's he cryin'?" Fayt finally seemed to notice the floating boy

"…" Cliff gave him a weird look, "Um…"

"Well now you're in for it, face the wrath of Robin Wind!" The kid turned on them, now furious

"It's always amazed me how fast kids can change their moods," Nel shook her head

"Robin? Isn't that a girl's name?" Albel asked

"……" Fayt started laughing uncontrollably, earning stares from everyone

"Is he gonna be ok?" Robin asked, completely forgetting the fight

"What the hell?" Cliff walked over to Fayt and poked him in the shoulder. He promptly fell over, still laughing hysterically

"Hm…dilated pupils, uncontrollable urges, I'd have to say he's either got some permanent brain damage…" Maria began

"I could make a case for that one," Nel interrupted

"Humph, the worm probably got the brain damage falling down that cave," Albel also threw in

"…or he's completely and utterly drunk," Maria finished

"Hey! Hic- I ain't-hic- drunk!" Fayt managed to spit out from his position on the floor

"DUDE! Where'd you get the alcohol?" Cliff yelled

"-hic- from –hic- um…not sure," he confessed, "I was bored when we split up and I found some…"

"And you managed to fight your way back to here?" Maria asked suspiciously

"Well NO," Fayt looked at her, "I had to share,"

"Oh dear Apris you mean all the monsters in that friggen cave are DRUNK?!" Nel slapped her hand to her forehead exasperatedly

"Um…I don't know…probably,"

"Boy you guys sure set a good example," Robin Wind laughed as he sat against the wall watching the fiasco

"Now what?" Cliff asked, "He's in no condition to fight…let alone stand up for cripesakes!"

"What he needs is some coffee…or aspirin," Maria said

"Or this," Nel shrugged and smacked Fayt upside the head with a dagger

"HEY!" he yelled. Then groaned, "That aspirin would be pretty nice right now"

"I wasn't going to fight you guys anyway…you made this the most interesting 'battle' I've had in 236 years!" And Robin pulled some hidden switch opening the door into the lava caves. The group shrugged and walked through the door.

"Did he say 236 years?" Maria asked

"No wonder he was insulted! Good going Nel," Cliff glanced at her

"Bite me,"

"Hey Fayt," Cliff changed the subject before things got nasty

"What?" Fayt stumbled down the path

"Do you have anymore of that liquor?"

"CLIFF!" they all shouted

"What?" he grinned cheesily

"Um…guys?" Fayt said pointing. Everyone looked where he was pointing and gaped. It looked like a hell-on-earth…complete with…

"Are those burning people?" Nel asked

"Says here they're fire zombies," Maria confirmed

"Go figure," Albel muttered

"Hey! Look at this!" Fayt grinned sloppily and walked over to the stumbling zombie which promptly chased after him.

"You're going to get hurt," Maria warned

"Ha-ha," Fayt raced around the zombie in a circle. Confused, the fire demon circled in a dopey manner.

"That is pretty funny, you gotta admit…" Cliff grinned

"You people are stupid," Albel groaned

"OW!" The now-angry zombie finally caught Fayt, who screamed in pain,

"We warned you," Nel sighed

So after saving Fayt's butt…several more times because he couldn't get the hint after the 34th time, the posse continued on.

**(A/N: that…was stupid…oh well…)**


	11. We'll Meet Him on Vanguard

Chapter Eleven: We'll meet Him on Vanguard

**(A/N: Um…yeah….the first time Cliff/Mirage meets Fayt. I do realize that this little segment is out of place...deal with it )**

_**Disclaimer: ….do we REALLY have to put these in every chapter? Or am I insane?**_

_**I don't own Star Ocean…blah, blah, blah**_

"Cliff, we've just received word from the Diplo" Mirage said, walking into the navigation room.

"……" Cliff continued staring out the dash as he piloted the spaceship

"Apparently, Maria has some weird scheme and it involves finding this one kid."

"……" Cliff pressed a few buttons on the control panel and kept steering

"…Are you listening to me?"

"yep," he kept staring forward

"…ok…anyway, this kid is on some underdeveloped hole of a planet, and it's our mission,"

"Alrighty,"

"…did I mention it is in Sector 5?" Mirage raised her eyebrows

"Nope,"

"…..Cliff? You're still on the path to Sector 8."

"……so what's your point?"

"Oh nothing…except that I happen to know that Sector 8 is where that asteroid field is,"

"……crap" he muttered under his breath

"You are NOT going to go through that field again. You'll end up killing us this time."

"…It was a fluke last time! We'll do that mission after I swear!"

"Seriously Cliff, we need to listen to Maria,"

"……"

"You know how freaky she gets when she gets angry."

"……"

"AND I think it's about 'that time of the month.' Trust me, you don't want to make her mad at the moment,"

"…" blanching a bit, but determined, Cliff stuck to his course

"Turn the damn ship around, Cliff, or I swear I'll make your life miserable," Mirage threatened

"……Uh……"

"That's it," and with that she jumped him.

Five minutes later she had the ship turned around and they were on track to Vanguard III. Cliff was now handcuffed, gagged, and tied up in the back of the Eagle.

"So I've gotta go retrieve this 'Fayt' kid?" Cliff said, somewhat dejectedly after Mirage had untied him.

"Affirmative,"

"Alright…just one little favor,"

"Ok…what?"

"After I get him on board can you not mention the asteroid thing? I want to make sure I look smart, in control, and….not dumb," he finished lamely

"I'll try…but sometimes things like that just slip out," Mirage shrugged, and beamed him down from the ship

"Hey, have you seen a kid named Fayt?" Cliff asked a random villager

"Whoa….you is BIG!" the little kid stared up at him

"Um…yeah…" cliff moved aside to ask another citizen "his name is FAYT,"

"You mean the blue-haired whiny kid who stayed with Niklas?" the man asked

"…sure?"

"he left through the woods about an hour ago…something about saving Niklas or something…I have no idea."

"Ok, thanks," groaning inwardly, Cliff left through the forest.

An hour later he was hopelessly lost in Norton's maze of a hideout

"Oh CRIPES! How am I going to get through this stupid waste of time?!" Cliff yelled in frustration, "and who is the idiot who wrote on the walls?"

BANG!! A loud explosion echoed through the broken walls, and a cloud of smoke was seen for miles.

"…that makes things easier."

"You'll never get away with this!" Fayt yelled at Norton as he laughed evilly.

"And who's going to stop me? YOU?" Norton glared at him

"I suppose I will," Cliff jumped into the battle

"Who the hell are you?" Fayt asked, surprised, after they had taken care of Norton

"Um…well…I'm here to kidnap you," Cliff shrugged, as Fayt paled

"You're a child molester!" he accused

"…ok, EW" Cliff stared at him in disbelief, "I'm here to take you to our leader"

"Well that line sound straight out of the movies"

"True" the two exited the ruins and returned to the village.

"So I'm supposed to just go quietly with you to meet someone I've never met?" Fayt questioned, still in disbelief

"Yep, though I probably can use a nerve-paralyzing move on you to make things easier," Cliff offered

"…no thanks,"

"And I think I'm going to use another famous line," Cliff said as they reached the…cliff, "Beam me up Scotty!"

"…Mirage," Mirage said as the two appeared in the Eagle

"Um…what" Cliff asked, bewildered

"My name is Mirage, not Scotty, now are we ready to go?"

"Affirmative,"

After some random and not very insightful conversation, they met up with….

"Vendeeni approaching," Mirage stated, pulling the battleship into view,

"……crap……" Cliff groaned

"Hey….it's the Vendeeni…." Fayt pointed out the window

"….you just realized this?" Mirage asked

"I've got it under control people! Cliff to the rescue!" Cliff yelled, jumping into the driver's seat

"Yeah, you've got it under control…about as under control as the time you almost killed us in that asteroid field," Mirage said, very sarcastically

"I thought I asked you not to tell anyone!" Cliff yelled furiously

"And like I said, things tend to slip out," Mirage gave him a weird look.

Sighing, Fayt slumped down into his seat.

It was going to be a long ride…till they crashed, anyway


	12. Daycare Memories: Part 3

Chapter Twelve: Daycare Memories: Part Three

**A/N: I'm beginning to think this is going to turn into another one of those 'I really should update Ask Alnel' moments…but that story is kinda hard to update because of answering all the questions…so I'll keep working on that, and you can enjoy another little random segment of Daycare Memories**

**PS: SORRY SORRY SORRY! I'm so sorry I haven't updated ANYTHING for a LONG TIME. I've been busy, stressed and transitioning into life. Christmas vacation is coming, so MAYBE I'll be able to update Ask Alnel, but…I feel so bad that I haven't (though I'm updating this when I should be studying for a final… oh well.**

"Quit following me!" Nel yelled, exasperated.

"…why?" Albel asked

"….you're annoying,"

"But WHHHHYYYYYY?!" he whined

Nel groaned, wishing the day would be over already.

But no, it was only noon, and that meant recess…and Adray's second naptime.

"Do we ever actually learn anything?" Nel rolled her eyes, making her way over to the sandbox.

Albel, it turned out, had been learning…

"Worm," he muttered, referring to Adray.

Nel stopped, and looked at him, "worm?"

Albel looked a bit shocked himself, then grinned…somewhat evilly, "Worm, worm, worm!"

"Uh…."

"Woooooooorrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmm!"

"Oh dear Apris," Nel smacked her forehead

Meanwhile, on the other side of the playground, Fayt and Cliff were trying to escape. They weren't sure why, but you can't reason with a five-year-old.

"So, this fence is the only thing separating us from the outside world right?" Fayt asked, pointing at the chain-link fence that split the little daycare from Kirlsa.

"Yep! My daddy threw me over it this morning!" Cliff sang

"Ok! So we just gotta run at it real fast!" Fayt took one more look at it, and started sprinting. There was a loud crash as he hit the fence and was sent flying into the air, landing in the sandbox,

"My turn!" Cliff yelled joyfully. A few moments later, he too was headfirst in the sand

"Déjà vu…." Nel said, scratching her head,

"Maggot!"

"Would you shut up!"

And somewhere else were Maria and Mirage…now joined by the ever quiet Sophia.

"What are your orders?" Mirage asked Maria

"Orders? But I'm not your boss!" Maria exclaimed

"Oh…well what are they anyway?"

"Um…how 'bout we go over to the sandbox and see what everyone else is doing," They walked over, only to find

"Maggot, worm, fool!" Albel cackled

"…" Nel groaned

"What did you DO to him?" Maria asked

"Nothing! He just started spewing nonsense!"

"He probably has been hanging out with you too much," Mirage offered

"Excuse me, but do I say things relating to bugs as an insult? No I don't think I do," Nel crossed her arms

"A worm isn't a bug" Maria said. Nel shot her an evil glare.

"Either way, I had nothing to do with this!"

"So what do we do now?" Sophia asked quietly

"Hey, who's that kid?" Fayt pointed at a taller blond boy who was sauntering over to the group.

"Dunno," Cliff shrugged. Following behind the boy was Clair.

"Kids, this is Luther. He'll be joining us from now on. Um, he has a sister too…though I'm not sure where she is at the moment. Anyway, I'm sure you'll all get along just fine," she smiled and walked back into the building.

The group looked at Luther. He looked back. Suddenly he grinned, maliciously.

"You know why I had to come to this dump of a place?" He asked, still with an evil grin. The rest of the group shook their heads.

"It's because I DON'T get along. Especially not with backwards kids like you. I can get pretty mean…and cause trouble" he still grinned.

"You expect us to be scared of you?" Nel rolled her eyes.

"Don't believe me, huh? Well, I can fix that," and with that, Luther began to sob and yell furiously. They all stared at him in disbelief, as Clair came running out.

"What's the matter Luther?" she asked, concerned.

"She…she h-hit me!!" he cried, pointing at Nel, who was standing there dumbfounded.

"Nel! Did you hit him?" Clair asked, shocked.

"No!"

"Nel!"

"I swear I didn't!"

"Yes she DID!" He cried.

"Time for a timeout, young lady," Clair grabbed Nel's arm and dragged her into the building, Nel still protesting.

Abruptly, Luther stopped crying, and looked evilly at the others, "Still don't believe me?"

"T-That wasn't very nice…fool," Albel stared at him.

"And that's what's going to KEEP happening…unless things start going my way around here…got that?" the group stared at him some more, still in disbeilf.

"Unless," he raised an eyebrow, "you'd like to spend some time in 'timeout'"

And to a five-year-old, timeout is comparable to jail. The kids quickly complied with the evil, now ruler of the playground.

Meanwhile, inside the daycare center, Nel was furious. No way in hell, was she bowing to this kid. It wasn't her style. But sitting on the bench that was considered the 'timeout zone' she didn't see any way of revenge.

She then spotted a young girl, sitting equal distance from her on the bench, with short gray hair and pleasant, but sad eyes. "Who are you?" Nel asked.

"I'm Blair…Luther's sister."

"……"

"He got you in trouble, didn't he?" Blair said knowingly.

"Yes."

"Try living with him. I don't even want to be outside with him."

"Ouch…"

"I've got a plan to take him down but I need help…you in?"

Nel thought for a moment, and then smiled, "I think…I think that's a good idea…" she shook Blair's hand.

Now it was time for some recruiting.

**(Yep, sucky, but it's something…what will happen next? You'll have to stay tuned (and I have to think of what comes next…))**


End file.
